Am I man enough?

Julian Smith recently posted a stunning piece that really hit home for me.

People have said that I am passive and not “manly,” assuming that my lack of interest in sports, indifference to cars, and aversion to facial hair condemns me to the category of men that spent too much time with their mothers growing up.

In reality, over the years I have learned to temper my aggression and confrontational nature, finding that its easier and more pleasant to just go with the flow and be accommodating. Seems like a good idea right? Maybe. I think somewhere along the line the original intention of not picking fights just made people assume that I was either less of a man or more of a pushover. Not true.

Lately circumstances have indicated that I am not being perceived how I want to be perceived – so, time to change. Along comes Julian’s blog post, cleverly titled “The Complete Guide to not Giving a F*ck.” Though I wouldn’t go so far as Julian did, saying,  “It has made me a punching bag–  a flighty, nervous wuss. But worse than that, it has made me someone who doesn’t take a stand for anything,” I will acknowledge that some have come to view me in a way that does not truly reflect who I am.

I believe things. Sometimes I’m not eloquent or profound about it, and I’m still figuring some stuff out, but faith is part of my life.
I have morals. I believe in compromise, but at a certain point there is a point where a quest for balance goes too far and you sell out on your values.
Loyalty and respect are earned, not given. Trust is a tenuous line, easily broken and rarely fixed.
I have goals and I work hard to achieve them. Sometimes in that struggle sacrifices are made and distractions and complexities get nixed.

All in all, I’m lucky to get an opportunity to start fresh, so I’m going to take advantage of it and build the life I want and include only the people that will be simple and positive.

“…and if I get aggression, I’ll give it to them two times back.”
The Clash — Hate & War

Comments (4)

  1. Alyssa

    I think being laidback and passive have very little to do with manliness, but I bet my husband experiences the same sort of emotion – he’s super chill and like myself can sometimes be “too nice”, but there is definitely a limit to that! I agree with you that loyalty and respect are earned…. and not given!

  2. Joseph

    Thanks Alyssa! If you’re husband is anything like me, he must be super awesome 🙂

  3. Elaine

    Category of men who spent to much time with their mother. The just jealous and I’m not kidding. I will fight them all!

  4. Elaine

    In all seriousness, being able to temper your aggression and choosing to be pleasant instead of confrontational is a sign of great strength and quite manly, even biblical. The world could use more manly men like you. Women could learn a thing or two about men and maybe even women.