Kern’s Horchata!? Say it aint so!


ewMy sister goes to our local supermarket several times a week to support her junk food and juice habit. Sometimes she comes home with really great things, sometimes she comes home with really bad things, sometimes she comes home with really weird things. I’m not sure where this horchata falls exactly, but it’s definitely  on the bad/weird side of things.

Kern’s Nectars were a big part of my life growing up (my favorite was the guava), and even to this day I’ll buy a can of strawberry-banana or guava if I feel like I need a little sugar. It should also be noted that my mom’s family is Mexican, so I grew up with very authentic hispanic foods and drinks; I currently consider myself a connoisseur of hispanic foods, from both fine restaurants and from  trucks.

Aguas frescas are a big part of the taco stand/truck/shop culture, and horchata is my favorite. You can probably imagine my dismay and skepticism when my sister enlightened me to the fact that my favorite whitepersonjuice company was now making horchata (and according to their website other aguas frescas).

My sister and our friend Mercy didn’t mind the drink, so I decided to try it. IT’S TERRIBLE. THOSE GIRLS DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT. First of all, the texture was a little strange. Horchata is essentially rice water, so it doesn’t really leave any sort of film in your mouth, but this stuff was more milky and just kinda stuck. It was a little too sweet for my taste, but different people make horchata different ways, some sweeter than others; no big. The most drastic thing I noticed was that it tasted a bit like suntan oil smells! I would assume that to be some sort of coconut based substance, so I checked the back of the carton – coconut was not listed in the ingredients, but “artificial flavors” was. I think one of those flavors might have been tanning lotion.


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